Why am I mad?

I know my life feels like it's missing something, and I am sure if you ask my wife she would say the same thing. I'm talking about a child. I get upset a lot but try to not let it show. We were at a family dinner Sunday and all the people our age had babies and big deal was made of with announcements, I could not hold a tear back. I get sick of my mother in law talking about her relatives in California and the baby Liberty, how does she think that makes me feel. Everytime my wife gets on the Internet to talk with friends some on else is pregnant and she is not. She feels down and then I feel even worse. We would be great parents. Yes, I may sound a little mad right now but that is because I am. My wife deserves better and so do I. I'm sick of having to fight for everything in my life. All my life I have always put every one else first. Well, damn it I'm going to be first for once. If this post makes me sound like an asshole to somebody that's fine, I don't care. This is my life. I would also like to say to all those people out there that open your legs and pop out kids and live off my hard earn money: FUCK OFF!!! Get job!!!! I'm done supporting you. I want you all to know my balls may not work right and I may not be able to father a child. But do remember this I do have balls, and I would be a better father than many of those out there. So now you know why I am mad at the world, there is more and if you want a good laugh, good conversation piece, discuss topics I suggest you become a friend to my blog subscribe its free. This is only the beginning I have a lot to get off my chest and put out there.........Check back soon.

Update

Well its been long road to recovery. Fighting a collapsed lung that's a pain. I am going to keep this short for now. Weeks 13 and 14 weigh ins. Week 13 used my free no weigh in pass due to having surgery the previous day. This week, week 14 I dropped 6.6lbs weighing in a 376.4 lbs. I dropped my jaw. I earned my 10% body weight loss award. I aiming for another 10%. I am doing to try and add some pictures to this post, they are of me at 383 lbs wearing 3xl Old Navy shirt and size 54 jeans remember I started Weight Watchers the first time I was at 436.6 lbs, size 60 paints, 5XL shirt.

Week 1 initial weigh in 422 lbs
Week 2 weight: 416.4 lbs down 5.6
Week 3 Weight: 416.2 lbs down 5.8
Week 4 Weight: 410 lbs down 12
Week 5 Weight: 405 lbs down 17
Week 6 Weight 403.8 lbs down 18.2
Week 7 Weight 396 lbs down 26
Week 8 Weight 389.8 lbs down 32.2
Week 9 Weight 392.6 lbs up 2.8 loss 29.4
Week 10 Weight 388.8 lbs down 33.2
Week 11 Weight 383.6 lbs down 38.4
Week 12 Weight 383 lbs down 39
Week 13 Free pass
Week 14 Weight 376.4 lbs down 45.6

My life

Coming off my anniversary week, we know what happens at times like that but that week I still dropped 5+ pounds. This week was another of those weeks. I had a good week. The day before weigh in is my wifes birthday. I treat her nice take her to a winery. Take her to a nice french resturant in Lincoln Nebraska called "The Green Gateau." Anyone wondering Gateau means cake in French. And for us it means more wine with dinner. The meals were wonderful. The Lobster Bisc soup was to die for. I do not want to think how many points this meal was a lone. My wife had the Green Gateau for desert she shared, I was just going to have a nice glass of sherry for desert, but she shared. The smell of my sherry about made her sick, sorry baby but it was good. Took her home and ...... well that was the end of that. Today went to see the surgeon and found out all my pain is from a bad gallbladder. The test they ran says when your gallbladder hits 30% it needs to come out mine was at 20% it really needs to come out. Surgery is Tuesday I am really scared. Then I had to see my primary doctor who realized I say him right before Memorial day and now today I was down 9 pounds started to get really worried saying your sicker than we thought. I said no doc I am a Weight Watcher and it really helps. I have been eating with little pains. He told me I made a believer out of him that Weight Watchers does work. So to weigh in tonight after the last 48 hours I am glad I did not gain I weighed in at an even 383 down 0.6 pounds. Well theres my week in a wrap up. I hope yours go better. Talk to you all later.

Week 1 initial weigh in 422 lbs
Week 2 weight: 416.4 lbs down 5.6
Week 3 Weight: 416.2 lbs down 5.8
Week 4 Weight: 410 lbs down 12
Week 5 Weight: 405 lbs down 17
Week 6 Weight 403.8 lbs down 18.2
Week 7 Weight 396 lbs down 26
Week 8 Weight 389.8 lbs down 32.2
Week 9 Weight 392.6 lbs up 2.8 loss 29.4
Week 10 Weight 388.8 lbs down 33.2
Week 11 Weight 383.6 lbs down 38.4
Week 12 Weight 383 lbs down 39

Well, I just realized I have not been keeping up on my weight loss journey. Here is an update starting at week 8 were I left off. Week 8 I was down 6.2 weighing in at 389.8 lbs. The following week was not good I had problems getting motivated and have been fighting my gallbladder and did not have much activity this week so for week 8 I was up 2.8 lbs weighing in at 392.6 lbs. No fear though I made a come back in week 10. Week 10 I was down 3.8 lbs loosing what I had gained and an extra pound weighing in 388.8 lbs. Now for this week. I have been back on my training schedule for the 5K. I did a 5K right before weigh in. This week weigh in results down 5.2 lbs weighed 383.6 lbs. I am making the come back I need. I can not wait to see the surgeon on the 10th I think once my gall bladder is out I will feel a lot better. Look at my chart:

Week 1 initial weigh in 422 lbs
Week 2 weight: 416.4 lbs down 5.6
Week 3 Weight: 416.2 lbs down 5.8
Week 4 Weight: 410 lbs down 12
Week 5 Weight: 405 lbs down 17
Week 6 Weight 403.8 lbs down 18.2
Week 7 Weight 396 lbs down 26
Week 8 Weight 389.8 lbs down 32.2
Week 9 Weight 392.6 lbs up 2.8 loss 29.4
Week 10 Weight 388.8 lbs down 33.2
Week 11 Weight 383.6 lbs down 38.4

Update

Well life has been really crappy. I have not been able to eat due to a tooth problem. I had a infection in my tooth, gum and jaw. Been on antibiotics for about a week. I have not been able to eat due to extreme pain. I could not afford to have the root canal and crown done so I just had it pulled today. It came out in 4 pieces. Now that I have that over, on to the other problem. My gallbladder is bad. The hydascan confirmed that. I have to see surgeon on June 12th. I will not to continue to school this summer and will have to wait to the fall to start back. That now means I will not graduate until December 2010. My health is important though. I want to get my life back in track. Will keep everyone up to date.

It has become a tough time for me. I have been doing so well and then I have just hit a brick wall. In the last week I have been getting sick. I'm in the bathroom once or twice a hour. My energy levels are dropping. Tonight I was no longer able to run like I have been, my strength and endurance are gone. I saw my doctor today and he thinks my gall bladder is causing all this. He has scheduled a ultrasound for tomorrow morning. We need to get this process going and get me better so I can return to school, and continue to train. I have probably gained this week, due to lack of energy and motivation. I do not mind I want to get better. Good news is my blood pressure is under control 126/70 yeah. Doctor is happy with my weight loss, I told him get me better so I can keep going. I will update tomorrow when I hear something.

Well today was finals day. I passed Pharmacology II and Health Assessment. Yeah I'm done with school for 19 days. The things that sucks is the I start back to school on my wife and I seconds anniversary. It sucks but I'll get to see her after class. Tonight I had fire training. I back in my fire gear that I have not had on in over 6 months due to Lewis TFD taking a while about getting my fire gear from Carter Lake Fire department. This gear was specially fitted for me and my body. Now take in mind that so far since this gear was fitted to this point I am about 50 pounds lighter. It is big on me. That's a great thing. So we cut up a car tonight. We got the jaws of life out and also the cutter. Removed the doors. Took out the windshield with a glass saw that was fun, I think Abbie got pictures of that. Took the roof off using saws. It was fun. I can't wait to see what happens next.